The Infinite Loop

Meditation creates awareness of thoughts, causing self-reflection and cognisance of weaknesses, fragilities and insecurities. It can be helpful to highlight these progress areas. But often I think to myself, “why am I torturing myself with all of this reflection? Can’t I just mindlessly plod towards a goal? I’d love to stop painstakingly thinking myself in circles. WTF does it help with anyway?! Where is that I’m ‘progressing’ towards…”

These pressures to quit the process and get off the meditative bus grow louder for stretches of time. A few hours, perhaps a few days… And then it hits me; the only real solution is to meditate. True meditation, actual mindfulness allows liberation from the contracted self-concern, and it’s a pretty quick remedy. Perhaps I was never meditating in the first place?

2 thoughts on “The Infinite Loop

  1. Why not take a break? There is no scorecard, that’s my learning at least. It could also be about visualisation or a period of rest. I have not meditated in a while, I’ll return to it in time. Cyclicity has imbedded in it a natural ebb and flow, I have found paying attention to it brings a refreshing perspective and at times an effortlessness to life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for this Simeon. Agreed, breaks are important. Walking, running, swimming, travel, reading, holiday, etc. Very important to disengage, enjoy other activities and return with a fresh perspective.

      I desire to meditate more, not less, though.

      What I’m trying to describe is the strange duality where meditation is both a “solution” to and a source of my “problems.” I’m ok with that because I think the challenges are worthwhile and the solutions are readily available, if I’m able to actually practise with sincerity. I want to keep on practising to become more sincere, see clearer and enhance my ability to make these realisations in each moment.

      Obviously, I don’t meditate all the time 🙂 Breaks are NB, I mix it up between different styles and try to listen to what feels best. We have to find what we need. I feel compelled to meditate more often as the month’s pass. I can imagine a day in the future where I won’t feel like this. But sometimes I feel the need to just meditate for 5 minutes in the middle of the day to “guide my emotions” past a recent psychological intrusion…


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